Me.
I'm wrapped up in ME.
What's best for ME.
What do I want?
How will this benefit ME?
It's gross.
It's unflattering.
Especially the facade I raise.
The one who doesn't do anything for my own gain.
The one who doesn't like being in other people's business, but feeds off of it.
The one who needs encouragement to feel validated.
The one who appears humble, but pride eats away.
When that facade falls, I see brokenness.
I am broken.
So broken.
I open up, and act like I can tell everyone anything.
But when it gets down to the nitty gritty, I fumble over scattered thoughts.
This is why grace is unreal to me.
Christ KNEW me.
Ugly, scarred, greedy-hearted, me.
Yet He still chose to endure the cross.
So I could have hope.
Me.
Grace doesn't seem like that big of a deal until you receive it.
No questions asked.
No disappointed, condemning speeches.
Just an overwhelming peace, and instant humility.
I could never earn it.
That freaks me out.
How could someone love me when the've seen ALL of me.
Everything I hide.
Everything I suppress.
Yet, He does.
He always will.
Love that doesn't blink when I wander away.
Love that remains unconditional, when I do all I can to run away.
Love that takes me back, and puts a blanket over my shoulders when I'm done searching for other forms of fulfillment.
Love that gently reminds me who I am, and Who I belong to.
I am loved.
And no amount of me twisting truth, and not believing it could ever change that.
I am loved.
Despite EVERYTHING I've done, or will do.
He took the cross.
I am given grace.
THAT is a reason to hope.
To be grateful.
To praise Him in horrifying circumstance.
To doubt Him, only to be reminded of who He is.
To let Him into the deepest joys and pains.
To take steps with Him, and TRUST Him.
"I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I, but Christ who lives in me. And the life which I now live, I live with faith in Christ, who loved me, and gave His life for me."
-Galatians 2:20
