not all who wander are lost.

I've been wanting to post something about this for a while now, and it will probably be a lot of scattered rambles, but here we go.

A few months ago at GCC, we got to do a series called, "Don't Call Me A Christian".  If you want the gist of it, you can check it out here.


During this series, I was asked by our media guys, along with others, to share about the time I didn't want to be called a Christian. I was super humbled to share among leaders that I respect, and really nervous and excited to share some of my heart. I had planned on sharing about the season where I lived and worked in Yosemite National Park, but God had other plans. He asked me to share about my mom. I thought I could just glide by, and talk about a tough period in my life...but nooooooo. He wanted me to share about something that I struggle with daily, and an area of my heart that I have trouble fully surrendering to Him. He was asking me to be vulnerable.

A little backstory.

My mom left the church when I was young. She grew up in a Christian home, with a loving family. But at a very early age, she bought into the lie that she had to be perfect, and if she was, then she would earn Christ's love.

I don't think that lie ever left. She spent time in therapy, and developed questions and doubts about God. She wasn't getting the answers to her questions. And they were good questions too, not meaningless whining. Questions like "Why does a loving God allow pain?", "Why do I get to live in a country with SO much, while others are starving and struggling for life?".

She reached out to the church we were attending, and didn't find what she was looking for. In fact, it pushed her away even further. Any questions she had were answered with scripture, or something of the sort. While I believe that the church had the BEST intentions with that...to someone who is struggling to be heard, it's not the answer. All she needed was someone to listen.

It's easy for me to blame that specific church, and the people. BUT she made the ultimate decision to leave the church...and unfortunately, that helped seal the deal. So she is a self proclaimed agnostic.

However, my mom has never been anything but supportive of my decision to follow Christ. She's told me multiple times how she wishes she could have that happiness. It breaks my heart, because my mom points me back to Jesus more than anything in and of this world. She asks the hard questions, is not afraid to be herself, and state her opinion(for better or worse).

Because of my mom's story, I feel like I'm more perceptive to Christian pompous. What, Christians can be pompous??? Yes. It happens often.

Now, I could jump on a soapbox and write 10,000 books on my opinions on this matter, but I'll spare you, and just leave it at this:

-If you have a friend who does not know Jesus, or does....take time to JUST LISTEN. Listening holds so much power, and no one likes the person who think they have all the answers.

Which brings me to my next point...

-You don't have to have all the answers. Often times, someone just needs to hear that you struggle with the same questions they have! Then they know they are not alone/don't have to be perfect...address all the lies they believe with a simple truth. We all have questions, and doubts, no matter how long we've been walking with Jesus.

-If you speak out with your opinions, please do so in love. NOTHING will turn someone who has questions away faster than stating harsh, biting opinions on the following: politics, homosexuality, social status, pure-bread dogs...you get my point.

-Be real. My relationship with Jesus does not look like my dad's, pastor's, boss's, friend's, role model's, or drivethru worker's relationship with Jesus. So why would I try and put on a show, pretending that's how I connect with God? From experience, nothing made my relationship with Christ(and others) take a nose dive faster than that route.

Following Christ is a journey, and I'm still(sometimes reluctantly) learning. But what I've said in this post has been on my heart for a long time. I'm not telling anyone how to live, just sharing from my own experience.

 Be who Christ made you to be, and you will impact some one's life who needs your own unique version of Jesus. Be real. Don't pretend to have your life together, because no one does. Let's just walk with each other, and encourage one another. Taking one step at a time towards Christ.

little loves.

I'm currently feeling genuinely loved by friends, co-workers, and family. This fullness that my heart has is overflowing, and I just want to shout to the world how good God is. 

These past few weeks, I've been encouraged by little ways that people choose to love me: bringing me my favorite order of coffee from Starbucks (twice!), finding a hand written letter of encouragement and affirmation from a stranger, coming home to awesome roommates, working with a team of incredible people and growing into a leader, experiencing and leading worship, a team that trusts me as a leader, people and leaders loving on me with kind words, and replacing my keurig for free.  

The best part is? These people didn't expect anything back. 

Because of the love being showed to me by Christ through others, I have the desire to recycle that love. I have the fullest heart, and I want others to experience that as well. Spreading kindness, and love is not that hard. It could be a smile, bringing someone coffee, cleaning a house, watching someones kids...using whatever you have, where you are to spread the Love.  

I believe this is what Christ meant by John 13: 34-35.

 "Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.”

Seemingly "little" ways to love on people puts feet on Christ's words. 

This is especially powerful because it reflects Christ's love for us. He showers us in His love without expectation of us returning that love. He loved us even when we were far away from Him. He loved us even though He KNEW that we would wander, betray, and murder Him. That is a love worth sharing. 

This blog post is short and sweet, but it's a challenge I encourage you( and ME )to take. Find ways to love on someone today, and all week. Watch and see how your life changes because of it. If you feel "stuck", this is the best way to get "unstuck". If you feel full and loved, this will continue that. If you desire more meaning in your life, this will definitely help. If you feel discouraged, this is a way to be encouraged. 

The love of Christ is meant to be shared, because it is life altering. You can't keep it to yourself. 

I'm thankful for that reminder. 

a post on life in my twenty-somethings.

As much as it pains me to say this, t-swift said it best: "We're happy, free, confused, and lonely in the best way"

Life in my twenties has already been an adventure, and I'm not even half way through it. I'm no where NEAR the life I thought I'd live when I was 12. I thought that by the time I was 19, I'd have my own cute and swanky apartment, with a steady/dreamy boyfriend, performing on broadway.

Well here I am, 24 years old. In debt up to my eyeballs. 2 part time jobs, no romantic prospect, less in shape then I'd like to be, and I have a bedtime of 10pm...or 9:30, depends on the day.

But I don't hate it. In fact, most days, I love it. I mean, there is always that season where you wonder if what you are doing really means anything. If all the time and energy you spend on a certain thing or someone is worth it...but it is.

If we're being honest, I have prayed my fair share of "boohoo-whoa-is-me-why-doesn't-anyone-love-me-what's-wrong-with-me" prayers. I've had weeks where I feel like I'm the scum on the ground, and that I'll be a lonely spinster for life. Seasons where I fully believe that I will never find any kind of success, and I have zero impact on those around me.

It's in those times where I remember why I follow Jesus. He always reminds me that what He intends for me is to embrace what He is calling me to RIGHT NOW. Not in a few months from now. Not if, and when, I have a full time job at a place I love. Not the 3 kids later, married version of myself.
RIGHT. NOW.

I am placed here for a reason. You are placed right here, right now for a purpose. And God wants to use you just as you are. You don't need another person to complete you. You don't need another person to be the best you that you can be. You don't need to waste your time and energy dwelling on something that might not even come to pass! Be here.

Spend time loving yourself! Find your flaws, and experience the ocean of Grace you get to throw them in. Grow into a better person who lives life with vulnerability. Someone who doesn't have all the answers, but holds a strong faith despite the doubts.  Look at yourself in a mirror, and love the person you see.

 You were created for beauty, and to help others find their way...and in the process, you may just  find who you were meant to be.